Slowrolls are the worst. There’s nothing quite like the gut-wrenching feeling you get when you anticipate winning or being ahead in a big pot, only for some cretin of an opponent to deliberately and spitefully wait before turning over his winning hand.
It’s ugly, it’s shameful, it’s despicably unsportsmanlike. It’s also quite entertaining to watch. Here are ten of the biggest slowrolls of all time for your viewing pleasure/horror:
The Mouth Explodes After Deeb Slowrolls With Quads
Now, Mike Matusow isn’t known for his impeccable behaviour at the poker table. He’s a braying, loudmouth American with a fondness for gloating, but for all his faults, he would never, ever slowroll.
“It’s the most disgusting thing you could ever do. I’ve never slowrolled a person in my life. And I never will.” So when the equally combative Shaun Deeb slowrolled him with quads during Poker Night in America, ol’ Mikey didn’t take it too well, letting loose with an explosive, expletive-laden rant.
“It’s the only thing in life I don’t f****** deal with. You can do anything to me, you can call me any name under the sun, you f****** slowroll me I’ll punch you in the f****** mouth. You think I’m joking? I’m not.”
What made it worse is half the table celebrating with Deeb when the quads were revealed. Watch the fireworks below:
Germany Takes a Time Out With Aces
Now, far be it from us to accentuate the stereotype, but they do say that Germans have a strange/cruel sense of humour. It was fully on show at the 2010 World Cup of Poker, when, after a raise and a re-raise ahead of him, a Canadian player moved all-in with kings.
When play folded back round to Sascha Cornils, representing zee Germans, he checked his cards- which just so happened to be aces- and, instead of snap-calling, he chose to take a time-out to discuss the decision with his team.
The five Germans went and had a quick giggle about the hilarious trick they had pulled on those nice, naïve Canadians, before coming back to the table minutes later to announce a call, much to the disgust of Nick Wealthall in the commentary booth.
Unfortunately, no justice was done on the run out, and the Germans dragged the pot. Way to fully embrace your role as pantomime villains, guys. Scroll to 4:26 for the horrible slowroll:
Irish Outrage As German Slowrolls Legend O'Dea
There’s nothing that will annoy the Irish more than brutally slowrolling one of their very own poker legends in the most prestigious tournament on the Emerald Isle, the Irish Open.
But that’s exactly what happened on the final table, when German player (noticing a pattern?!) Andreas Gann took an age to call with the nut flush on the flop when Donnaha O’Dea, the legend, icon and gentleman of Irish poker, put him all-in with two-pair.
When Gann finally called with the absolute nuts, the other players, spectators and commentators alike lined up for a spot of Gann-bashing, who seemed oblivious to what he’d done wrong.
His behaviour was variously described as disgraceful, outrageous, horrendous and appalling by the very much unbiased Irish commentators, and when the six hit on the river to pair the board and give O’Dea a winning full house, the crowd, the table and the commentators went wild with unrestrained delight. Justice, karma, call it what you want, Gann probably deserved it.
96-Year-Old Slowrolls Some Punk Half His Age
Normally, slowrolling is unacceptable in any circumstances, especially at a tournament as prestigious as the WSOP Main Event. If you’re a well-loved and charming 96-year-old, however, you can pretty much get away with anything.
That was proved to be the case by Jack Ury, the oldest player ever to play in the Main Event, who took his sweet time with the nut full house to dole out a brutal slowroll to Stephen Friedlander in the 2009 WSOP.
After a flop of , Ury bet 1,000 and Friedlander moved all-in. The short-stacked Ury called, Friedlander turned over for a full house, and it appeared Ury’s tournament was all over.
The old-timer waited to turn over his cards, telling Friedlander, “You’re in trouble,” before finally showing his for a bigger boat. Normally, a slowroll like that would result in a ferocious backlash, but each of his table-mates applauded Ury’s superior hand, including Friedlander. Basically, the rule is that, if you make it to 90, you can slowroll whoever and whenever you want. Nice one, Jack.
Will Kassouf’s Slowroll Is A Work of Art
Will Kassouf likes to talk. A lot. We’ve slated slowrolling a lot in this article, but some slowrolls are so exquisitely crafted, pulled off with such delicious aplomb, that all you can do is sit and applaud.
That’s what happened when king of speech play Kassouf flopped quads in a Live at The Bike event against his opponent’s full house. The ultra-talkative Brit even told the table exactly what he had and that he was going to pull off one of the greatest slowrolls of all time, and that’s just what he did.
His opponent raised him on the river with his boat, before Kassouf just called and took a full 30 seconds before getting another player at the table to reveal the quad sixes in a show of ‘white magic’.
It’s such an entertaining hand it just has to be seen to be believed. Enjoy, and don’t try this one at your home casino.
Esfandiari Slowrolls Buddy Laak, Gets Punished
Late in a heat of the partypoker Premier League VII, Antonio Esfandiari found kings and raised to 25k. Phil Laak wasted no time in re-raising all-in for 181k with queen-nine.
Instead of snap-calling, Esfandiari hit his old college buddy with a classic slowroll, smirking as he slowly revealed the kings to table-mates Jonathan Duhamel and Daniel Colman, before finally calling. “It’s Phil Laak, I can’t help myself!” he laughed. “Nice ship bro”, he added for added needle.
The dealer revealed a flop, and Esfandiari leant back in his chair, hands on head, his smile vanishing. The hit the turn and Laak walked behind his buddy. “It’s either coming or not!”, he said, smiling. The hit the river and Laak doubled up. The magician couldn’t believe it.
“Only you could beat me with queen-nine against two kings. Only Phil Laak. No problem. It never ends. It never ever ever ever ends. I would think this would be a nice time for it to turn a little bit, but no.” Laak sat back down, a grin on his face. More slowroll karma.
Justice For Slowrolling Habb At Aussie Millions
Some people seem to enjoy playing the villain, and it’s always satisfying to watch them get their comeuppance. That’s why it’s always wiser to wait until you know you’ve won the hand before doing the dirty, so your crime can go unpunished by the poker gods.
Mikel Habb found that out the hard way deep in the Aussie Millions Main Event, in a very entertaining hand. First, he min re-raised from the small blind, claiming he had just meant to call. So far, so villainous.
Then, when Samantha Abernathy shoved all-in with sixes, he took an unreasonable amount of time to call her with kings, giving it the full amateur dramatics with a hand he was always going to call with, presumably to maximise the pain for Abernathy when he did call. Villainy part two.
He put his head in his hands, stood up, put his head in his hands again, the whole shebang, then fist pumped when he finally made the obvious call. He even raised his hand in celebration on the blank flop. Villain level: maximum. When the six hit on the river, sweet, sweet justice was served and Habb got what he deserved: Elimination.
Nut Straight Slowroll At WSOP
Deep in the WSOP Main Event isn’t a fun time to get slowrolled, especially when you have the second nuts against the nuts.
Brazilian player Hilton Laborda made his hand on the turn when he turned a straight against Michael Huynh’s top set of kings, and he made a big re-raise.
Laborda, sporting the green, yellow and blue flag of Brazil as a cape, was then raised all-in by Huynh, and inexplicably took his time before making the call with the stone cold nuts.
There was to be no paired-board justice for Huynh, and he was forced to watch in stunned silence as his opponent celebrated wildly after a dirty slowroll in an absolute cooler of a hand gave him a huge double up. Scroll to 18:08 to watch the fun:
Slowrolls aren’t just committed by wicked poker pros or by clueless amateurs. No, equally clueless celebrities are perfectly capable of committing poker’s cardinal sin, too, and one of them got in on the act in the 2005 Celebrity Poker Showdown.
Anthony Anderson (an actor, comedian and writer, apparently), was dealt quad fives on the turn, which was very much ahead of Michael Vartan’s (no, me neither) full house.
A steaming pile of Hollywooding followed, which would have been fine- after all, he is an actor- until he checked the river and Vartan shoved all-in. At that point, it’s safe to say it’s a fairly easy call with quads.
Anderson, however, decided to take his time before calling, and even then took far too long to reveal his winning quads when Vartan flipped over the full house. When questioned by Vartan, he calmly said: “It’s called a bluff.” No, Anthony, it’s called a horrific slowroll. Actors, eh?
The sick slowroll doesn’t just happen in English and American poker, far from it.
It’s a worldwide phenomenon, which was demonstrated in the Swedish Poker Challenge when Leon Lindback decided to make an ugly slowroll with aces pre-flop after Per Warren had raised all-in with six-deuce.
There was no miracle run-out, and the grim play from Lindback was rewarded.
And there was us thinking that Swedes were supposed to be cool. To be fair, Ikea and Zlatan are pretty great, it’s just Lindback letting the side down.
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- Rob Godmon
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- Валерий Копчинский