Last time we write on this subject, we told you the seven most annoying terms poker players use. We thought we were being definitive. But we were inundated with suggestions to the contrary. Maybe we can't 'ship it' for the original article by Tom Victor, which really is 'so sick".
Let’s face it; this is an epidemic. Poker players such as you or I may even be afflicted far worse than we thought.
There are seven more things some of us say that truly, madly get on our nerves. Are you guilty?
1. “You’ve never heard a bad beat like this.”
We have. We all have. Telling a bad beat story is like being given a Cliff Richard song for Christmas – its completely unnecessary and nobody wants to hear it. There is, in fact, a scale you can use to judge bad beat stories. The less bad the beat, the fewer actual specifics the player describing it can recall. Especially after you hit them repeatedly over the head with something solid.
2. “I’d rather be lucky than good.”
‘Oh, would you?’ you are tempted to reply. ‘Would you really? Forever?’ Of course, the answer would come ‘Yes!’ from the oxygen thief who just stole your chips. But the reality is that although it’s long-term profitable to be a player who relies on skill more than luck because the latter is likely to run out, luck is crucial at points in your poker career. Depending on which period you hit your golden streak could define your appreciation of this classic one-liner.
3. “I had soooooo many outs”
No, you didn’t. You had six outs and you were a 14% dog before the river. Get it extremely quietly after falling off your chair over-celebrating.
4. “How could you call? It was obvious what I had."
Looks like someone has just lost a pot with what was likely a good pre-flop holding. Looks like someone is suggesting that someone else is just plain bad at poker. Looks like that someone has got a bad case of the bad beat blues. Prescription: humble pie.
The whole point of poker at a fundamental level is to work out what your opponents are doing, while keeping them guessing as to what you’re doing. We shouldn’t be rubbing their face in it, though, should we? Well, not very often.
5. “I put you on ace-king.”
Poker smarts: probably. Tact: trace amounts. Smugness: Off the scale. This corker is usually said with an infuriating level of self-satisfaction by a player who has just dragged in a pot having made a questionable decision. It’s common knowledge in modern poker that you need to assess your equity by working out an overall range of hands your opponent can have.
When you raise pre-flop, you’re doing so with more than just one hand; you’re going to be doing it with a range of hands. Your opponents are, of course, doing the same thing. Nobody – and we mean nobody – raises with ace-king and no other hand. Declaring this old chestnut only make it look as if you’ve forgotten this fact.
Team partypoker's Roberto Romanello can take hearing a bad beat story. He's no chicken.
6. “Sorry, mate.”
You’re not sorry. If you were, you wouldn’t be smiling under that hoodie. You’d be bitterly drafting a letter of apology to be counter-signed by your mother for creating you.
7. “One time"
Anyone who declares ‘one time’ more than once should be forced to call in at their local government office and sign a declaration that if at any time in their future life they experience any good favour, they are to immediately rescind any benefits of said fortune and hand back any profits.
These profits will be divided between anyone within earshot of them declaring subsequent ‘one time’, with more money going to those players/fans/family members who are closest to the outbursts in question.
If you find yourself using one of the phrases we’ve listed, we’d recommend that you branch out in your poker terminology. After all, no-one ever got consistent TV-time from saying the same phrase, over and over in perpetuity despite literally no-one ever really liking the phrase in the first place, did they? Not even if they won with a high-card like a boss.
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- Thomas Barnes